Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You are a genius and a whore.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
