We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
