I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
40s are totally the cure
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
