Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
