Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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