did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
