and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He did a backflip because drugs
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
