I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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