Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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