you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize