It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
