I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Never joke about your clitoris.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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