OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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