if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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