So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
