yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
