Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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