tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
