2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just tell him i said nine months
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
