i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
