you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
