today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
