And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
