The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
third nipple confirmed
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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