Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
