saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
