she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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