I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm getting married
To pizza
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize