Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You have to summon your inner elephant
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
