I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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