lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
