Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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