My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
