i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
