He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
