??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize