I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize