Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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