Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
