Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
