I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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