In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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