Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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