True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize