Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
