If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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