So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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