last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize