**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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