OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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