He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
