You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
