i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
a search helicopter?!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
