She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
