Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
