When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
