He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
