She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
