May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
