I like to think it a success when the cops are called
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize