Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
