i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
