After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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