you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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