that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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