I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
