i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize