He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
