I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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