The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
