On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
