I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
