If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
