They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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