Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize