We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
