apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
