Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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