don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm too high and old for this...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
