i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
