Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
