He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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