People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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