piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Jerry, you need to find god
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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