I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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