so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
