i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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