I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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